on the eve of oren’s birthday…

we had dinner of a salad and chicken and are watching Bolt. just him in his bed and me in a chair. it’s a friday night, so we normally watch a movie as a family, but tonight it’s just him and me. brian is at home. sebastien is at grandma and pop-pop’s. oren and i are at children’s hospital in our cushy room on 6a. the night nurse just came in at the start of her shift and suggested that we would leave tomorrow. but i had to say, “no, maybe wednesday, though.”

“he looks so good!” she replied.

and he does. he looks really good. he acts pretty normal. he’s a little shaky on his feet. but the past two days it has been a little easier to forget (not that i actually have forgotten) that ten days ago he hit his head, and that we spent a night in the ER where they told us he had a skull fracture. then they told us they’d keep him for a night to observe him. then a few hours later, they told us that they’d keep him one more night. one night became a few more.

it’s hard to believe that just a week ago, oren’s eyes went crossed and they had to give him a spinal tap to relieve the pressure that had built up in his skull. then they said that if the pressure couldn’t be kept down, they’d have to do surgery. surgery with a high amount of risk… of what? that oren could die on the table? “an alarming amount of risk” were the docs words.

for seven days, i have been waiting for this to happen. i have been waiting for oren’s beautiful blue eyes to cross again. i have been fighting off panic attacks every time he complains of a headache or rubs his eyes or even gets tired.

“does it hurt?”
“do they hurt”
“what hurts?”
“are you okay?”

i hover. (it’s not hard to understand why oren prefers brian to stay overnight at the hospital with him.)

but he looks good. he really does. every new nurse we get says, “oh he’s so cute,” or “we heard this little guy was cute,” or “look at how cute he is.” he is. he’s so cute. i’m so glad that i can sit here and watch a movie with him tonight. and for some reason, i’m not even slightly upset that we’ll be here tomorrow on his birthday. i’m just so glad that we get to celebrate oren’s fourth year.