i was looking back at entries here today, and i saw that i haven’t yet brought this up to speed in terms of how oren is doing. this week was a really good week. oren stayed awake for longer intervals and smiled a lot during those times. nursing him became enjoyable because i could just sit and he’d eat until he was done without crying or popping off for burp- and gas-time. we ruled out the hydrocele being or becoming a problem: it’s one of those “he doesn’t know anything else” things, so the surgeon tells us. we’ve decided that he’s not colicky because he really doesn’t cry for long periods at the same time every day, and we don’t have trouble getting him to sleep.
we have decided that he probably has a mild case of reflux, although not yet gone to a GI specialist to get it officially diagnosed. we put him on zantac at a mid-level dose for a guy his size, and i eliminated dairy and peanuts from my diet. i was complaining about that in the early post in january.
and well, i take it back.
this week i attempted to add some dairy products back into my diet (cheese, mac n cheese), and he has reverted to fussy- and non-enjoyable-nursing oren. woe is me. and okay, woe is oren too. i can’t wait to have all things dairy once more out of my system so oren can be comfortable with his digestive system, and i can stress about things like nap time and such instead. at least i know now one root to oren’s problem and it’s easy to fix.
Posted on February 5th, 2006
i vacuumed yesterday. the living room AND dining room. for the first time since oren arrived on the scene. it felt so GOOD. it’s embarassing how good it felt to clean. i think i’ll do it again soon. especially since just after i finished vacuuming, one of the cats puked on it.
on the otherhand, my parenting skills have been going down the drain. even now, i’m sitting here typing this while seb is watching baby van gogh (aka, the goat) on tv. he has to holler to me in here to tell me what is going on. if i were a good mAmA, i’d be in there watching and discussing the video with him. i just can’t bring myself to do it. seb and i are in the throws of grieving eachother’s company, and we’re acting out, each in our own special way:
seb is completely obnoxious about every little thing–screaming that he needs a kleenex every 5 minutes and refusing to do anything i ask him to do–time-outs abound. we’ve had to stop using his room for the time-outs because he has associated positive things like nap- and bedtime with punishment. great. now would be a good time to own a garage (haha). it was nice to have a door to shut out the noise of him “venting” during his time-out, but now we’re resigned to using the stairs or something and listen to the noise. i’m becoming inured to my oldest baby’s crying, and it bothers me a little bit.
my way of acting out has been to give up having any fun time with seb. i don’t even really try anymore because it ends up in a battle of wills and i don’t like losing. so i just automatically say “no” now. it’s become a reflex… hmmm, no wonder that’s all seb ever says to us.
“no, seb, you cannot play in the basement (cause i don’t feel like going down there)”
“no, seb, you cannot paint (cause i don’t feel like getting them out or cleaning them up)”
“no, seb, you cannot hold the baby brudder”
“no, seb, you cannot sit on my lap, i’m holding oren”
“no, seb, i can’t play trains with you, my hands are full”
it really sucks. there really is no other word to describe it.
i go to a playgroup with other mothers once a week, and several of us with two kids now talk about how horrible we are at mothering, and all the other mothers with just one kid or older children just look on at us in pity.
“it’ll get better eventually”
“it’s teaching seb not to be so selfish and how to share”
“it’s good for seb to learn how to play on his own”
“seb won’t even remember this time of his life when he’s older”
comforting. thanks.
at least it’s too early in the motherhood game to tally up my accomplishments…
Posted on February 1st, 2006
well, boy #2 is a bit over 5 wks old, and i guess i should give the stats: at 4 wks, oren was 10.5 lbs and 22 inches long. that’s up from 8-ish lbs and 21 inches long at birth. looking back at seb’s stats: at a little over 3 wks, seb was still only 7.5 lbs and 21 inches long; and it wasn’t until his 2 month check-up that he registered at 10 lbs–but by then he was already 23 inches long. so already, there is a pretty big dif between the boyz.
that said, oren’s first few weeks of life have been frought with discomfort. we haven’t nailed down where the true source of it lies (should that be lay?), but we have narrowed the options: 1) infant reflux, 2) colic, 3) 1 and 2, 4) hydrocele (if you really want to know what this is, i’ll let you look it up) that could be irritating his little tiny intestines, 5) all of the above. so we’re pretty busy in the next couple of weeks with drs. and specialist appointments, and i’ve given up dairy to try to help the reflux and/or colic a bit–4 days on this miserable fast, and there is no sign of it helping him out any. it sucks to give up dairy because soy is really not good. and i mean REALLY not good. i’m also keeping any chocolate intake to a minimum and well, most other food too, so i’m running out of things to enjoy right now (did i mention boy #1 was recently replaced by a very scary and defiant monster?). wait, i shouldn’t say that. oren smiled at me several times today. and i don’t think it was gas. even though he tooted right after. so those smiles really should be making up for all the crying, and seb’s new annoying persona, and me not eating any fun or yummy food. right? maybe?
so this is life with two kids, one being a tiny infant who has rocked everyone’s world. and i didn’t even mention the sleep that i’m not getting….
Posted on January 18th, 2006
seb is sitting in his highchair pretending to eat “wormies”. i don’t know what started this. the only worms he has ever encountered are cute ones in books, and no one has ever eaten them.
this morning, he came downstairs with me, spotted our grey cat, wolfgang, and said, “no this cat look at seba.” and the entire time we spent in the car today, which thankfully wasn’t much, seb spelled out his list of grievances against the world, “james [a friend] said, ‘no seba play with these toys in this guy’s house anymooooore,'” and “mama said, ‘no seba push that guy aroooound,'” and “mama said, ‘no seba take backhoe upstairs last niiiiiight.'” he hasn’t gotten to verbalizing the “why” of things yet, like why mama doesn’t want seb to push little kids around or take his dirty, nasty backhoe into bed with him.
in other brain developmental areas, seb is trying to figure out the whole past tense concept. everything has become “last night,” even if what he is talking about occured in the bright, sunny morning of the same day, even if it happened a month and a half ago: “seba fall on my head at pop-pop’s house last niiiiiiiight.”
the whole “baby beep!* thing” is becoming very bizarre. aside from the fact that at this stage (34 weeks just about, almost 8 mos) my belly has become rather lumpy (no rotund belly here), and said lumps like to jut out and change shapes mostly while i’m sitting in large groups of people (i.e., writing class, bible study) trying to concentrate on other things, seba now thinks he and daddy are carrying a baby beep!* too. or maybe that’s just his twisted sense of humor. most days when i ask him, “where’s baby beep!*?” he points to himself and answers, “seba have baby beep!* in seba berry (read: belly)! nooooo!” the “noooo!” usually erupts from him in fits of giggles, so maybe he is having his fun with me. i should assume, from experience, that seb knows way more than he’s letting on. ah, the mysteries of the two year old.
the boy has become uncharacteristically attached to me lately–sometimes even preferring me over daddy (nooooo!)–but i just figured that it’s due to my abandonment of him last weekend to go see my sisters unfettered, free to chat, nobody to run after (note to self: this only works out if sisters follow suit and there are NO kids around), leaving him here with his daddy. i just figured that it’s his way of saying, “hey now, don’t you do that again,” or “no mama take the red car,” instead of it actually being a manifestation of two-year-old stress about an upcoming, life-changing event.
who knows what will actually happen when the baby gets here, aside from the given of me losing a LOT of weight and sleep very quickly. i’d like to think that now, when seb assures me that he WILL share his trucks with the baby, and he WILL share his crib with the baby, and he WILL sing songs and read books to the baby, he’s telling me like it WILL be. i mostly hope though, that on those occasions when seb tries to physically beat the crap out of baby beep!* via my belly, it’s just his twisted sense of humor coming out again.
only time will tell.
[*this has been edited for the sake of those who do not wish to know gender of baby beep!* gah! there it is again!!]
Posted on October 25th, 2005
i don’t know if i’m jumping the gun here, but i have to announce that seb is finally eating normal human food!! i know, i can’t believe it myself. last night he chowed down some spaghetti with sauce, and tonight he’s munching on some canned green beans (this is a step up from the pureed baby food grossness). this stint will probably end by saturday, but for now it’s great!
Posted on October 3rd, 2005
“that’s fu-u-u-u-nny”
chillin’
dressing up
winter anticipation? yoikes!
power tools! helping out with the porch…
visiting ana and james in willow grove
Posted on August 30th, 2005
rain just started pouring down from the sky, i notice with a glance in the mirror sitting next to my desk. the mirror is reflecting the front windows of the room directly into my view so i don’t have to turn my head. the rain is presumably leftovers from some lackadaisical and slow moving hurricane, the clouds and humidity of which have parked over western pa. steamy! it makes me want to go to sleep. like seb. today i like that all our windows are closed to outside noises, the air conditioner humming. i’m glad that the world (and our crazy neighbor lady and her grandson) are being held at bay by our quiet, closed house. do not disturb.
seb is beginning to speak in two word phrases which, for being only 3 or 4 mos since beginning speech therapy, is super cool. milk please, go home (which never means seb and always means me–“hey mamma, go home!”), dog in, go out… to name a few. now that he is getting the notion that language is a useful thing, he’s a bit frantic about it. it’s showing me more how his mind works. it’s showing me that when i tell him an hour in advance that we might go somewhere in the car, he has fixated on it, and can’t think of anything else– “CAR! CAR! OUT! OUT! CAR! CAR! CAR! IN CAR! IN CAR!” it’s showing me that i need to never tell him in advance that we are doing anything but sitting inside the house doing absolutely nothing all day long. “nope, no car, no out, no nothing.” so there.
a thunder storm is passing our way, so i get seb up from his nap and we hit the porch for a front row seat. the thunder and lightning remind seb of when he saw 4th of july fireworks from his seat in the car as we drove over the west end bridge. he keeps saying “hot” which i suppose is his word for “fireworks”. when the rain ebbs, he says, “done”. but not quite. another torrent hits us. i secretly hope it keeps doing this for a while, though i know that soon, brian will be coming home from work on his bike none too keen on riding in inch deep rain on butler street. oh well. rain, rain, go away. come again some other day. or not.
seb gets down from my lap and stands looking over the side of the porch into the street. his left hand is up in his now-shorn hair running and flipping his fingers through it. it reminds me of when brian used to wear a baseball cap all the time, and he’d take it off and use both hands to muss it up. i never try to play with brian’s hair anymore–i did once, once–he’s convinced that it will make him go bald. i wonder if his mother told him that when he was little, as he stood, maybe like seb, constantly playing with his hair. i can almost hear her yelling, “if you keep doin’ ‘at, bri, you’re gonna go bald!” or maybe it was the last straw, brian running newly peanut-buttered fingers through it. seb does that too. i don’t know for sure, but i prefer to think so. like father like son.
Posted on July 15th, 2005
planks of cedar, nails and tools litter our back porch. the existing structure, partially covered and framed by the wood awaits cooler weather, less busy days and screens. brian’s dad is in the midst of creating a bug-free environment. seb picks through stacks of things saying “bing, bang”, searching for dzia-dzia’s (ja-ja is how you say grandpa in polish-that’s what seb calls brian’s dad) hammer. he is obsessed. the little red plastic hammer that dzia-dzia gave him a while ago alleviates his neurosis slightly. he bangs on the boards and smiles. i cut down dwindling daffodil greens out of the garden strip next to our brick walk to make way for the tomatoes and zuchinni that are tumbling out into the way. sweat erupts in beads on my forehead–it’s only 9 am but it’s got to be 80 degrees out already. if it has to be hot, at least we’ll have tomatoes, i think looking at the tiny yellow flowers that are emerging. seb follows me chattering. he seems to think i’ll give him the long-handled clippers i’m using when i’m done. he keeps reaching for them. he is so wrong. the parameters of our yard are jungle-like with plants, flowers and weeds. hostas are out of control but are sending up their white-flower surrender flags so i won’t cut them down yet. at least the yucca aren’t producing flowers this year–a little too phallic for my taste. the grass in the center is a patchwork of brown and green now with dots of white clover. i guess we’re supposed to water the lawn, but it escapes my thought process most of the time. i hope it’ll rain soon.
Posted on June 27th, 2005
if there is anything i want seb to be when he grows up, it’s respectful. respectful to brian and me. respectful to old people (i.e., grandma and grandpas). respectful to women. and i guess respectful to men too. just respectful. to everyone. i am realizing lately that this training should probably start. but at the same time, i’m confused. friends of ours who have several children insist that they call all adults by proper title (mr. or mrs. or ms. or miss) and surname. at first i thought, how cool. how nice and respectful these children are. and then i heard, “hey, mrs. janaszek, mrs. janaszek, look at this,” and realized that the kid was talking to ME! i mean, really, can’t he just call me jen? aside from the fact that janaszek isn’t truly my name (i can hear my mother’s voice in my head right now, “well, you wouldn’t have that problem if you would just change your name.”), it just makes me feel old. you might as well call me “ma’am.”
seb has begun speech therapy, and his therapist’s name is renee, or “miss” renee, which is weird too because she’s married. i asked her during the first session, “what should i have him call you” (seb isn’t really calling anyone anything, so i don’t know what the urgency is)? she said that renee is just fine. but then she calls herself, and a woman who organizes all these visits calls her “miss renee.” so again, i’m confused. maybe times were easier when people actually followed emily post’s etiquette books (i am squelching my mother’s voice in my head, so nothing can be heard). it sure would clear things up a bit.
anyway, miss renee comes over to our house and spends an hour playing with seb on our living room floor. she pulls out mr. potato head from her bag. she empties mr. potato head’s head of all his … head-features, i guess you would call them. she tries to hide them in her lap. has anyone ever tried hiding things from a two year old and it worked? miss renee then pulls one feature out at a time. she dodges seb’s fairly quick and deft hands to defy him ripping the item out of hers. “look, seb. here’s mister potato head’s ear. eeeeeeeeeeear. eeeeeeeeeeear. can you say eeeeeeeeeeeeear?” half the time i’m like, “hey seb. hey. quit grabbing. hey. you need to ask. hey.” the other half i just have to laugh. seb is so intent on getting the ear though that yesterday, he finally said it. “eeeoow.” the fans went crazy. he received his first standing ovation. then he ran around the room pointing out every ear within it, and even some things that weren’t necessarily ears. “eeeoow.” it’s amazing to see results like that. right in front of your very eyes.
or eeeoows.
Posted on May 4th, 2005
it’s 6:30 am on saturday–way too early to be up, i know–and i’m watching two cardinals frolick in our backyard… spring has finally come, and even though it’s raining, i’m excited. this is the first spring that we have lived in OUR OWN house, so we’re trying to make it seem more that way. i moved some flowers (lillies and daffodils) around to suit my own taste a little better. two trees (sticks, really) have arrived and are awaiting us to put their bare roots into some dark, mushy dirt. forsythia bushes will grow in behind our lilac bush–right now, they are each merely a dormant twig sticking straight up out of the ground. not very impressive. maybe next year they will look like something closer to a bush with leaves and things. the lilac has buds on it that look like wee-tiny lilacs. so i am becoming more intimately aware of my backyard–lots of creepy things live in the dirt back there: centipedes, rolly-pollies, some alien-looking spider thing that made me screech outloud in the middle of the afternoon, startling a couple men in the parking lot of the v.f.w. across the alley, i’m sure.
seb is really into being outside. he wants to be out all of the time. he’d be pretty convincing if i weren’t so set in my slacker-mom ways; so we only spend part of days outside. seb throws some heinous wobblers whenever it’s time to go back in. poor boy. so neglected and deprived. so hard to be misunderstood.
speech is not so much elluding the boy anymore. brian and i have gone through the rigamarole of getting him evaluated for speech therapy and are awaiting a call from such a therapist to set up some sessions, but i’m beginning to think twice. he’s been picking up about five words a week for the past two to three weeks, so i think it’s starting to click for him on its own. we’ll see.
in the past month of my silence, we visiting with three out of seven cousins. and of course i didn’t take any pictures!! silly of you to think i would, really. anyway, sophie (5 yrs old) came with my sister, melissa, a couple of weeks ago…sophie and seb played for hours at my parents’ kitchen sink “washing” the dishes, and she was affectionately dubbed by seb “dada”. we hung with the weggel clan at the end of february. seb and james (who is 9 mos older) had their first “sleep over”. it got a little out of hand at a couple of points, but only because james was teaching seb how to jump in his crib. that james! fences, or in this case crib railings, make good neighbors. ana (5 yrs old) treated him to some seriously-silly-face-making-fun, which seb is not likely to forget anytime soon. out of everyone, seb actually calls her by some semblance of her name, “nana”.
that’s about all i have for now. it’s 7 am, and i’m thinking i need a nap!
Posted on April 2nd, 2005